The Cultures of Sharing and Saving

From  2/20/13:

One of the most difficult cultural differences for me to deal with is the emphasis on sharing versus saving. Growing up, I was taught to share explicitely, but implicitly was the notion of personal ownership. Sharing something usually meant playing with it together, for mutual benefit, or loaning it out for a short period of time before getting it back.

In Cameroon, I remember the sharing versus saving conundrum being an issue with food. Pop tarts, which could compete against twinkies for outlasting the apocalypse do not go bad. I could put them in the cupboard and save them for another day. I was always afraid that one of my Cameroonian friends would open the cupboard though. In their culture, food is there to be eaten and shared not stored and saved. My fear is evidence that I knew of this implicit rule, but the fact that I hoarded the pop tarts anyway showed the strength of my own cultural practices and my inability to change (e.g. learn to share).

In Kenya, I have better learned to balance these opposing cultural forces through duplicity. When I travel to some city that actually has a store, I buy two packages of cookies, one for sharing and one for storing. This works fairly well for food. It is, however, a little more difficult with shoes.

I tried applying the culture of sharing to my last (and sadly demised) pair of flip flops. They were kept by the front door and people would borrow them and return them to their place. Though, progressively developing thorns and mud, the shoes finally started falling apart. Again, I tried to apply the culture of sharing while trying to extend the life of the shoes. I washed them, pulled out thorns, and duct taped (okay, that is more US engineering, but the theory is still the same) the straps back on. The problem with shoe sharing is that increased frequency of usage makes saving nearly impossible. Duct-taped engineering solutions are unfortunately short term. I finally gave the old shoes to the little kids to intentionally finish destroying and bought a new pair of flip flops and instituted a “share only in emergency” policy.

One such “emergency” occurred recently when my housemate, Stephan, needed to use the latrine but found his own sandals gone from their typical door-side location. Earlier that day, he had shared them with our neighbor (who is notorious for misplacing keys, soap, shoes, and consideration for others). Our neighbor had said he needed to use them to take a bath, but failed to bring them back. After one week of “emergency sharing” my own sandals with Stephan, I was feeling culturally ansy. I suggested he use my phone to call our neighbor and inquire about the missing shoes. The neighbor, hurt and disappointed by Stephan’s unwillingness to continue sharing his shoes assured him that he would return them; however, he also told the rest of the family about Stephan’s poor character and inability to share. Now people are even asking me to teach Stephan to share better. How am I supposed to do that?

You may think that pop tarts and shoes are silly concerns when it comes to cultural differences. These are just small anecdotes, but their implications are vast. Take the efforts of development organizations to teach people how to save money. This concept in itself is antithetical to the sharing values indicated by the shoe issue. If someone has enough money to put it aside and not use it at the moment, they are selfish for not sharing it with their neighbors. What if saving that money, the family could use it during the next drought? Maybe their child gets sick and their savings could pay for a doctor and treatment. Now, that family who is planning for an uncertain future is ostracized because their neighbor has a school fee to pay now. Shouldn’t they share what they don’t presently need?

If I share my shoes not, I will help someone without shoes to also have shoes now. Inevitably, the shoes will not last as long though and then we both will not have shoes in a few months. Can I watch someone else suffer so that I can pay rent next month or help them now and struggle myself in the future? I’m not sure I can find some sort of compromise or middle ground, but inevitably both cultures (and my own guilt) will look down on my decisions from one extreme or the other. Should I share or save? Can I manage both?