From 2/20/13:
One of the most difficult cultural differences for me to
deal with is the emphasis on sharing versus saving. Growing up, I was taught to
share explicitely, but implicitly was the notion of personal ownership. Sharing
something usually meant playing with it together, for mutual benefit, or
loaning it out for a short period of time before getting it back.
In Cameroon, I remember the sharing versus saving conundrum being
an issue with food. Pop tarts, which could compete against twinkies for
outlasting the apocalypse do not go bad. I could put them in the cupboard and
save them for another day. I was always afraid that one of my Cameroonian
friends would open the cupboard though. In their culture, food is there to be
eaten and shared not stored and saved. My fear is evidence that I knew of this
implicit rule, but the fact that I hoarded the pop tarts anyway showed the
strength of my own cultural practices and my inability to change (e.g. learn to
share).
In Kenya, I have better learned to balance these opposing
cultural forces through duplicity. When I travel to some city that actually has
a store, I buy two packages of cookies, one for sharing and one for storing.
This works fairly well for food. It is, however, a little more difficult with
shoes.
I tried applying the culture of sharing to my last (and
sadly demised) pair of flip flops. They were kept by the front door and people
would borrow them and return them to their place. Though, progressively
developing thorns and mud, the shoes finally started falling apart. Again, I
tried to apply the culture of sharing while trying to extend the life of the
shoes. I washed them, pulled out thorns, and duct taped (okay, that is more US
engineering, but the theory is still the same) the straps back on. The problem
with shoe sharing is that increased frequency of usage makes saving nearly
impossible. Duct-taped engineering solutions are unfortunately short term. I
finally gave the old shoes to the little kids to intentionally finish
destroying and bought a new pair of flip flops and instituted a “share only in
emergency” policy.
One such “emergency” occurred recently when my housemate,
Stephan, needed to use the latrine but found his own sandals gone from their
typical door-side location. Earlier that day, he had shared them with our
neighbor (who is notorious for misplacing keys, soap, shoes, and consideration
for others). Our neighbor had said he needed to use them to take a bath, but
failed to bring them back. After one week of “emergency sharing” my own sandals
with Stephan, I was feeling culturally ansy. I suggested he use my phone to
call our neighbor and inquire about the missing shoes. The neighbor, hurt and disappointed by Stephan’s
unwillingness to continue sharing his shoes assured him that he would return
them; however, he also told the rest of the family about Stephan’s poor character
and inability to share. Now people are even asking me to teach Stephan to share
better. How am I supposed to do that?
You may think that pop tarts and shoes are silly concerns
when it comes to cultural differences. These are just small anecdotes, but their
implications are vast. Take the efforts of development organizations to teach
people how to save money. This concept in itself is antithetical to the sharing
values indicated by the shoe issue. If someone has enough money to put it aside
and not use it at the moment, they are selfish for not sharing it with their
neighbors. What if saving that money, the family could use it during the next
drought? Maybe their child gets sick and their savings could pay for a doctor
and treatment. Now, that family who is planning for an uncertain future is ostracized
because their neighbor has a school fee to pay now. Shouldn’t they share what
they don’t presently need?
If I share my shoes not, I will help someone without shoes
to also have shoes now. Inevitably, the shoes will not last as long though and
then we both will not have shoes in a few months. Can I watch someone else
suffer so that I can pay rent next month or help them now and struggle myself
in the future? I’m not sure I can find some sort of compromise or middle
ground, but inevitably both cultures (and my own guilt) will look down on my
decisions from one extreme or the other. Should I share or save? Can I manage
both?
